Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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