I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
