It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
