i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
