Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I came so hard my ears popped.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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