Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
