people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
