It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
