can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
