walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
