He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
