im about as happy as oj after his trial
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
