we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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