I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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