i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
