In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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