Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
