we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
