is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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