Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
