I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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