i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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