Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
