No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
