WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
