he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize