omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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