hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize