I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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