im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
