3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
