John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
