my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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