would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
