No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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