??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
