I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
