It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
