dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
