I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
