dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
