I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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