Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
