I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
