Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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