I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
