Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
