I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
