She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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