is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize