I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
why is half of my head shaved?
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