I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
