i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
