I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
