Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just puked most of my soul out..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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