are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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