Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
