Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
They have beer where we have blood.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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