Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
