I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
