I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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