Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Houston, we have a blender
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
