just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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