Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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