Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
