gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How naked do you want me to be?
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