so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
