why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
