Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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