his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
