Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize