We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
