how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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